Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
