drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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