To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
