Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
