In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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