i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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