my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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