So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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