Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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