The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
