my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A bitchslap is in order.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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