Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
