i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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