After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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