Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
