she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
