He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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