Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you had me at cake vodka
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
