I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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