Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
