i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
