Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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