my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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