Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
