I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
