he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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