The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
