Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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