why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
