I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
