You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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