I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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