Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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