Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
