I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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