I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
