i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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