I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
