for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize