i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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