walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
