An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
