I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
