i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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