Banned from zoo.
Again?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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