the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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