pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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