He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
