Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
