Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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