New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
