I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
