i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
