My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
