you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
