I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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