I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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