fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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