I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My ass is underappreciated
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
How naked do you want me to be?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
