And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Randomize
