Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck