Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(518): View more from New York

I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes

Fav 18 3283 1018
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.

Fav 8 757 3327
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(423): View more from Tennessee

I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help

Fav 22 3953 1737
share tweet
(202): View more from Washington, DC

But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

Fav 11 1801 4645
share tweet
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(937): View more from Ohio

Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.

Fav 11 2729 1924
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite

Fav 6 1632 1778
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(701): View more from North Dakota

I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.

Fav 2 1505 657
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(604): View more from British Columbia

Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"

Fav 3 795 470
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(310): View more from California

So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.

(615): View more from Tennessee

Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?

(310): View more from California

Um. We had sex on a washing machine.

Fav 1 80 11
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT