Texts From Last Night

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  (954): View more from Florida

  My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.

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  (954): My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet. http://tfl.nu/5qcs
  Replies (48) Good night (1171) Bad night (2940)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.

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  (716): Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed. http://tfl.nu/65fd
  Replies (14) Good night (1059) Bad night (3194)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.

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  (571): she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant. http://tfl.nu/awg1
  Replies (8) Good night (4268) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg

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  (509): I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg http://tfl.nu/tr8k
  Replies (6) Good night (2350) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.

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  (510): Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it. http://tfl.nu/z26i
  Replies (4) Good night (2406) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.

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  (360): Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites. http://tfl.nu/6ydr
  Replies (3) Good night (1164) Bad night (598)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!

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  (435): I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!! http://tfl.nu/1ljj
  Replies (13) Good night (2196) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger

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  (248): I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger http://tfl.nu/4bsz
  Replies (8) Good night (671) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about

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  (781): I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about http://tfl.nu/ocbn
  Replies (4) Good night (500) Bad night (738)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.

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  (416): My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss. http://tfl.nu/xbc0
  Replies (9) Good night (1245) Bad night (359)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store

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  (407): If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store http://tfl.nu/imig
  Replies (7) Good night (1756) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.

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  (605): I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help. http://tfl.nu/advt
  Replies (0) Good night (446) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.

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  (503): So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in. http://tfl.nu/z9yu
  Replies (0) Good night (495) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel

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  (641): You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel http://tfl.nu/z3hp
  Replies (3) Good night (395) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind

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  (802): It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind http://tfl.nu/l4my
  Replies (1) Good night (214) Bad night (359)

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