I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.