I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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