How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.