Just fell off a train. Bad.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?