absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
