I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
