I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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