walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
birth control should be required to get into college
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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