I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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