SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
