I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
