It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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