theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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