As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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