I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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